A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Mom said you looked used
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How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
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