I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Randomize
