What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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