Betty ford says i'm here all night
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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