it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
