every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
