did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
