I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize