Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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