another moral hangover. fuck.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize
