You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
