We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Randomize
