Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
