College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Naked Twister starts at high noon
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
