This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
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