How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
