champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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