i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
