Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
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