The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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