My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
