paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
We're too hungover to prance.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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