ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
