omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
