If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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