You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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