so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
