He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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