Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
