Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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