my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I stole a fireplace last night.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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