I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
thus making me awesome and them whores
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
