My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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