I looked at my own cervix.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I think your dad took our porno
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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