oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
