My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
