U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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