ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
