Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
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