Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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