Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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