I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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