I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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