I wish my penis had an off switch
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
