You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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