Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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