mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
