Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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