drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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