Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize