I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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