Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
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I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
We talked him into tasing himself.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
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Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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