i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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