You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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