Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Oh god it's open bar.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
