My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
