I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
