sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
