there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
