I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
