I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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