I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
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