she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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