proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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