you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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