I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
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