I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
