so explain again why im purple
no
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
