I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
