Christians are straight up FREAKS
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
