If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
